


The good, the bad and all the rest.

by TheBlackHorizon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: AU fest, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Hinted Bloodplay, Humor, I'll tag as I go, M/M, One Shot Collection, Please Like Me, Serial Killers, Sherlock Holmes AU, Smut, Underworld, Werewolves, unrelated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-09-18 05:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9370076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackHorizon/pseuds/TheBlackHorizon
Summary: Hello my freaky darlings, welcome to my shelter for lonely AU Oneshots.Whichever weird AU you're looking for, you might be able to find it here. You might say this is madness, but I sayThis is Fanfiction! (and my imagination can run as wild as it wants)1) Sherlock Holmes AU2) Underworld AU3) Please Like Me AU4) Serial Killer AU (M)





	1. Sherlock Holmes

It was quite literally the middle of the night and Robb was awake. His hand searched for his watch on the bedside table and when he read it he couldn't supress a sigh.  
Quarter past two in morning and he was awake, again, because his flatmate had decided to practice the violin at this ungodly hour. Again. Another sigh and he sat up, carding a hand through his hair and lighting the lamp on his bedside table with sleep-clumsy fingers. With an extensice yawn he slipped on his dressing gown and made his way through the hallway separating his room from Jons.  
If he had learned one thing during the years he had spent living with detective Jon Snow it was this: Be prepared for everything. Rooms on fire, dead bodys, drugs and sometimes all of them at once.  
He knocked the door impatiently and entered without waiting for an answer, after all there was barely a compromising situation left he hadn't found Jon in.

"Stark, excellent." Jon exclaimed upon his enterance. He sat on the floor in front of a poor looking potted plant "Look at this."

Robb trudged across the messy room and came to a halt next to him "What on earth is the matter?" he asked tiredly and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Can you see a difference?" his eyes remained fixed on the plant. People had called Jon many things over the time they knew each other, ranging from genius to absolutely mental but odd was by far the most common.

"What are you doing?" Robb asked again and found himself sympatising with absolutely mental.

"Long-term experiment." the impromptu answer came witn an excited wave of his hand "I want to see if my plant grows quicker with classical music."

"And why exactly does this have to take place at two in the morning?"

"It has to be done regularly, she need her schedule."

"She?" Robb was quickly losing his patience.

"It clearly is a female plant." Jon said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Robb pinched the bridge of his nose before answering "Jon, when are you going to admit that this has nohing to do with your plant rather than Jeyne coming to see me tomorrow to discuss the wedding."

"Of course it doesn't!" Jon exclaimed too quickly with a strained smile.

"Well then you won't mind having tea with us tomorrow, will you?" It wasn't the first time that he tried to convince his flatmate to meet his future wife and up to now, every attempt had failed upon Jons stubborness.

"I'm rather busy." his gaze wandered back to the plant and Robb sighed, again.

"With what? You don't even have a case."

"The plant? Besides, I'd rather avoid meeting the reason why I'll be paying the rent on my own soon. So off you go, get married and be happy, leave me here to become poor and old."

"Yes, I will." Robb snapped, this whole situation chewed on his nerves.

"Fine."

"Fine."

Robb knew he was behaving like a five year old but Jon was doing just the same which made it absolutely acceptable for two grown men to stare each other down.

"If you'll excuse me, I'd like to get at least some sleep." he put emphasis on the last two words and hoped he managed to get the message through. Then he swiftly turned on his heel and made his way towards the door and although he didn't answer he hadn't missed the quietly spoken "Sleep well, Doctor."


	2. The Lycan and the Death Dealer

"Why are you doing this?"

"I don't know."

Her words rang through Jons mind as he let his gaze wander across the square below him. Only few people were out at this hour, the night was clear and biting cold but it didn't touch him, it hadn't for 400 years. He was hidden safely from you, tucked into a corner on the highest balcony of the church tower and waited, as he'd been for almost every night during the last week. The coven was too busy with itself and their schemes to notice a single Death Dealer was missing and even if they did, he couldn't bring himself to care, so he ventured as close as he dared to where the horde was hiding and waited. A few nights of waiting were a mere blink compared to four centuries walking the earth and a satisfied grin tucked on the corner of his mouth when he spotted a flash of red hair and the sound of heavy boots approaching on the cobbled square. Without a sound Jon let himself glide down on the side of the tower facing away from the square, rounded the corner and just as the red haired figure passed the alley darted forward and pushed her up against the wall in one fluent motion. While holding her in place with his forearm he pushed the hood which only managed to partially hide her red mane and face to look at her. There was no fear, not even suprise in her features, she only glared at him with her piercing blue eyes.

"I expected this to happen." she said almost calmly after they had stared at each other for a couple of seconds "Go on." she bared her teeth with a growl "That's what you want innit? Put some silver between me eyes."

"No." he answered huskily and let his gaze rest on her cheeks and nose, covered in freckles and her drawn brow "I only want to know why."

Suddenly her shoulders sagged and she let out a long breath, fogging in between them before the wind caught it and carried it away "I knew what they would do to you."

She still had her chin up but the hard edge melted away and Jon saw beauty emerge from underneath the hard shell, the same beauty he had seen that night, shining through the iron bars of his cell "Why would you care?" his voice wavered at the memory "You're a Lycan. I'm a Death Dealer."

"I'm tired of fighting. Aren't you?" the wind picked up and suddenly her hair was all over her face, thrick red strands whirling around her like a halo and he inhaled her scent, clearly Lycan, spicy but at the same time sweet, like a summer breeze. Jon reached out to brush back the stray curls and let his arm fall to his side, releasing her but she didn't move. She could have fought him or run away but she remained wedged between him and the church wall and instead leaned in to kiss him.  
In the very moment his fingertips brushed against her cheekbone time had slowed down for Jon, wamrth radiated off her skin and her lips felt like a hot prickle against his own. His arm wound around her neck to pull her closer and her body rocked against his before she pulled back and looked at him with a wolfish grin on her features. The grin never leaving her face she took his hand and he couldn't help but follow her, mind too hazed by her heat and passion to thing clearly.  
The iron gate to the church yard creaked loudly as the passed through it, the night swallowing them a few steps later as they disappeared in between a small group of trees by the church wall. Her eyes seemed to glow in the dark and the very second she turned to face him Jon oushed her back against a tree and crashed their lips together, her hands knotting in his hair and a small growl at the back of her throat.

"Tonight we make our own rules." she whispered into his ear when she pressed her naked body against his and watched his eyes turn ellectric blue. Jon grinned at her, fangs like razors prominent and she thought it the sheer image of the devil. Slowly he lowered his head and let one of his fangs glide across her collar bone ever so lightly yet still enough to cause her to hiss sharply but not without pleasure. Many followed that first when slipped inside her, kissed her skin and let his tongue catch the tinyest drops of her blood, thick like rubys against her porcelain skin along the line his fang had left. He could feel where it connected with his skin, like liquid fire it spread inside of him and she clawed at his back, bit his neck and when he spent inside her she almost howled out her sweet release. They were a tangled mess, caught in the sweet limbo off the subsiding high and the onsetting tiredness and she wore a dirty smirk.

"Do you need more of a reason?" she asked and pushed his arm so she could rest her head on it and let her fingertips brush over what looked like a healing incineration on his chest but she knew it had been caused by an ultraviolet lamp "If it wasn't for me you'd be covered in these."

"I killed many of you." Jon retorted darkly "They had every reason to do it."

"There are countless victims on both sides and none of them will stop until we have extinguished each other."

The church bell announced the first hour of the new day, ringing across the square and through the yard unheard by most "I don't want to see another 400 years." he was weary of the neverending nature of his existence but tonight something had changed, a fresh spark was there, a new reason to stop existing and start living again "Not even sure I'll see next week, if anyone finds out about this I'm done."

"This?" her face appeared in front of his.

"What else can I say, don't even know your name."

"It's Ygritte." she said in a low voice and placed her chin on his shoulder.

"I'm Jon Snow."

"Suits ya, could freeze to death only from touching you." she winked and a smile spread on her face.

Jon looked at her and found himself awestruck by her sheer beauty and lifeliness. Wars and decades of fights and deaths aside, this was perfection, this was the moment which would live on.  
Forever.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it? Hate it?  
> Go for it and tell me :D Love ya bye -xx


	6. Please Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is strongly inspired by S03E07 of my favourite TV Show ever, Please Like Me, and ever since I watched it for the first time the idea of this AU got stuck in my head so, enjoy folks.

"Robb is inviting a boy over for casual sex!"

That was how it had all begun, the reason why Ygritte found herself basically locked in a room with Jon. Jon, her flatmate and the guy she kind of had sex with once and it caused nothing but weird stuff between them.

"Why is it so messy in here?" she asked and leaned against the desk with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Stop complaining, you're free to go." he retorted from his place on the bed.

"Am not!" Ygritte exclaimed "what if Robb and whats-his-name are neiked in the kitchen or whatever." she gestured towards the door before pouring herself some more wine.

"So you'll have to stop complaining then." he grinnned when she flopped down onto the bed next to him.

They sat in silence for a little while before she slowly turned her head towards him. There was this short moment of eye contact and mutual understanding that was all it took before they kissed, briefly to be fair, but it happened. Ygritte leaned back abruptly "What the fuck?"

Meanwhile, Robb found himself pinned against his bedroom door by a boy whose name was Theon. Their hands were all over each others bodys and Robb felt the other mans hips grinding against his and all the worries he'd been having about hooking up disappeared.

"Why did I do that?" Ygritte threw her hands up whilst pacing between the bed and the desk.

"I don't know?" came the half-hearted answer. Jon watched her and felt the urge to tear off her top rather than listening to her ramblings.

"Oh you know!" she stopped and looked at him with her hands on her hips.

"Do you want honesty or should I tell you what you want to hear?"

Ygritte didn't say anything in return, only pushed her lower lip forwards into a pout and before she could say anything else she felt Jons hands on her waist.

"Robb....Robb?" In the other room Theon spoke up suddenly, his hands shakily reaching for Robbs to stop his from undoing the buttons of his shirt "Please...just...hold on."

Robb, being the attentive person that he was, instantly did so and leaned back a couple of inches to get a clear view of the others mans face "What is it?"

Theons eyes darted around briefly "I don't think...I feel like this is...I can't."

"Are you alright?" his face turned serious and he let go of Theon completely.

Theon himself suddenly looked lost, like a boy in the forest "Its my ex." he quietly admitted.

"You still into him?" Robb suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"No...no that's not it!" he was quick to assure the other man before he sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the empty space next to him for Robb to do the same.

"You don't have to tell me if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can climb out of the window and we'll both just carry on with our llives pretending this has never happened, it's not a big deal..."

"That's not it really," Theon interrupted him and carded a nervous hand through his hair "It's just...okay this actually makes me feel uncomfortable but...is it alright if I tell you?"

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't." Robb andwered calmly.

Theon worried his lip with his teeth for a moment longer "My ex-boyfriend beat me." he fumbled with the edge of the sheets.

"Fuck." Robb couldn't think of anything else to say.

The other man only nodded before speaking "I thought I could get over it with a random hookup or two but...turns out I was wrong."

Robb hesitated for a brief moment before putting his arm around Theons shoulders "Don't worry."

"I always do...too much. He didn't like that." he let his head fall against Robbs shoulders and they stayed like that and Theon breathed a sigh of relief when suddenly

"Oh god!!!"

"Who was that?" Theon asked with slight confusion when more sound followed.

"I think that's my flatmates having sex..." Robb answered with a sigh.

"Is that like, a problem?" he raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"Nah," Robb shrugged "to be honest I was kind of waiting for this to happen."

"Alright."

"Do you wanna sleep over?"

Theons grin widened "I'd love to."

Robb tucked his arm around him afer they'd undressed and were snuggled closely together under the blankets "I didn't think this was how tonight would turn out."

"Us listening to your flatmates having sex?" Theon deadpanned "Me neither."

"Us." Robb repeated and nuzzled Theons hair "I like that."

While Robb and Theon started to drift off into peaceful sumber Ygritte lay next to Jon, both neiked as on their nameday and panting "Did that actually just happen?" she asked breathlessly and turned her head to face him.

"Depending on what 'that' is."

"Fuck off." she playfully shoved his shoulder.

Jon turned over then, winding his arm around her waist and nuzzling her neck with his nose "Stay here tonight."

She didn't answer only scooted a little closer, her back against his chest and a content sigh fell from her lips.

 


	7. This is a lonely day, and it's mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated M for sexual content and major character death.

They agreed on meeting at the corner bar down the street from Robbs loft.

Robb was at a table near the door, slouching in his chair and staring into his pint. He dipped his index finger into the small puddle of condensed water that formed beneath his glass and started drawing lazy circles on the table.

Suddenly he felt warm breath ghosting past his ear.

 

“I want you.” Jon growled in his ear.

 

Robb threw a bill on the table and was pulled up by his hand and out of the door.

They stumbled down the street back to Robbs apartment building giggling and kissing, barely able to keep their hands to themselves.

Jon pushed him against the wall in the elevator and kissed him hungrily, when Robb caught a glimpse of his eyes he could see the empty look and the dilated pupils.

He knew Jon had killed today. The man he was fucking had ended a life and Robb found himself painfully aroused at the thought.

They'd barely closed the door behind them when Jon slammed him against the wall and tore of his shirt., buttons scattering over the floor.

Their teeth collided, Jon tasted like cigarettes and death.

 

“Wanna know who it was?” he mumbled and dragged his teeth over Robbs collarbone.

 

Robb bit down on his lip and slammed his palm against the wall “Who was he?”

 

Jon wound an arm around his waist and lowered him to the floor, hovering above him.

 

“He was a filthy little drug dealer,” he kissed Robb, catching his lower lip between his teeth causing the other to shudder beneath him “Owed some people lots of cash,” he started moving further down, leaving red traces and marks on Robbs milky white skin.

He liked to mark him, to paint his own painting with teeth and fingernails over the one Boltons bullets had left on Robb.

Jon started moving upwards again, grinding their hips together and gaping down in Robbs hungry eyes.

 

“Squealed like a fucking pig,” Robbs hips bucked up and he let out a whiny moan “Bled like one in the end.”

 

Robb clawed at his back, breath coming out in ragged gasps “Please.”

 

“Thought about you the whole time,” he whispered, undoing the buttons of Robbs jeans and sliding them down and turning him over “How beautiful you are.”

 

Jons breath ghosted along his neck “And that you're mine.”

 

This was the game the played, they always played. Robb, so keen and eager to be touched writhed underneath his body but Jons grip was relentless when he sunk inside him, the other man biting his lip glistening with spit. The floor cold against his s only made Jons body feel even hotter all over him and Robbs blunt nails scraped across the dark wood. His ribs would be sore later, delicate to the touch as well as his hips but this was what he needed, whom he needed. There was a darkness inside Jon that seemed to pull Robb towards him, enulfing him in its fury like a black hole swallows a star.

Robb could feel the fury, the high of the kill but also the tender kisses placed on the side of his neck and the sweet whispers in his ear.

Jon held him close after, Robbs head on his chest and his arms around him. It was getting dark outside but neither of them bothered putting the lights on.

Robb started moving, craning his neck so he could slide his tongue over the sensitive scar on the side of Jons neck.

“I wanna watch” he said when he felt the other mans body shiver “Next time you make a kill.”

 

Jon looked back at him through hooded eyes and in the mindless limbo of the afterglow he agreed, too sweet was the look in Robbs big blue eyes and the bruise already blossoming in his shoulder.

 

The next time they met Robbs heart beat so hard it felt like the whole world could hear it. A drizzle so light it felt like thig fog filled the chilly night air and when Jon kissed him he froze upon feelin Robbs pulse under his palm

 

“Nervous?”

 

“Excited.” Robb licked his lips and followed Jon down the street. His mind failed to come up with something to say and Jon wound his arm around his waist and kissed his jaw, later he would know that he'd only done that to cast a glance down the alley to their left but it didn't matter for now.

He led Robb round a corner so Robb was between him and the wall. Before he could ask Jon leaned and whispered into his ear “Wait.”

 

They walked back to where they came from but but this time took the turn into the alley.

It all happened in a blur, the only thing Robb truly saw was the look on Jons face when he let go of his hand, the look of a predator, after that there was only the sharp hiss of a bullet shot through a silencer and the thud of a body hitting the ground.

Robb released the breath he'd been holding when Jon turned back towards him and let the gun casually slide into the pocket of his coat. Robb felt his body being pulled forwards while his brain still struggled to understand what he had just seen and they shared a breath before Jon gently carressed his hairline. He melted into the touch, adrenaline pulsating through his veins and mingled with the heat of arousal. It was sick, twisted, and he loved every single second of it.

 

“Let's go.” Jon whispered against his lips.

 

“Motherfucker!”

 

The scream echoed throuh the deserted alley and Jon whirled around, standing protectively before Robbb who froze in place. Like a deer in the headlights he stared over Jons shoulder and saw the black figure, only a mere silhouette under the artificial glow of the streetlights, looking at them.

Then there was the gunshot.

Jon turned back towards him with clouded confusion mirroring in his face and the world stood still before he blinked hard as if to clear his vision when a small red river ran out his sleeve and over his hand. Robb heard himself scream when he felt his lovers body sag against his own, they both collapsed onto the wet concrete and his hand was smeared in crimsom from where he had supported Jons body.

He knew that this was it but it didn't keep him pressing his hands on the wound and Jons choked scream tore his insides apart but he wouldn't stop, couldn't stop. Not now, not yet.

Blood rushed in his ears, drowning out all other sound and thick tears spilled unnoticed when he felt weak hands trying to push his own away and saw the blurred image of Jons lips moving.

 

“Take the gun.”

 

“What?” panic made his voice squeal.

 

“Fucking do it, they won't search you...”

 

Robbs breath hitched audibly and he removed his hands, a sudden rush of blood flowing from where they had been and he felt Jons body twitch when he reached into the pocket of his jacket to put the gun in the inside pocket of his own coat with shaking hands.

 

“I love you.”

 

Blood was everywhere.

 

“I love you too.” Robbs hand left a red smear on his cheek when he softly cupped Jons cheek before he drew his last breath.

 

It took a second to sink in before he realised that he could no longer feel a heartbeat underneath his palm.

 

He cried until there were no tears left and screamed until his voice was raw but never taking his gaze of Jons empty eyes looking right through him.

 

Where the lies he told the police came from he didn't know, all that counted was them letting him go.

 

The door fell closed behind him and he sunk onto the floor, right next to the marks his fingernails had left there a couple of days ago..

_Take the gun._

 

His mind was reeling and his whole body seemed to try and tear itself apart when he felt the cold, black steel in his hand.

 

_Take the gun._

 

He had washed his hands at the police station but Jons blood had tinted his nails a faint red.

 

_Take the gun._

 

This was it, the end as we know it. Robb laughed bitterly.

 

_Take the gun._

 

Jon was dead. 

 

Click

 

_Take_

 

Click.

 

_The_

 

Click.

 

_Gun._

 

 

_Such a lonely day,_

_and it's mine,_

_the most loneliest day of my life_

_and if you go,_

_I wanna go with you,_

_and if you die,_

_I wanna die with you,_

_Take your hand and walk away...._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from: Lonely Day by System Of A Down

**Author's Note:**

> Got a prompt? Drop it in here : roseao3mail@gmail.com  
> Cheerio!


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